She said her name was "party"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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