Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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