well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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