I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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