He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
