Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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