Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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