Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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