A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
