Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Panties = found
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
