is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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