This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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