If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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