I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
