Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
