And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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