I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
