i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think your dad took our porno
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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