a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize