Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
