Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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