Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
