i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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