So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize