It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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