apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
