She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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