i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
