And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I smell like Dick and happiness
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
