girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize