Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
