Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
