ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
