Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Where is the hickey?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
