You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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