Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
third nipple confirmed
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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