only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
