it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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