the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
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But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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