I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
