You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
