someone get that fucking seahorse.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Randomize
