Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
