so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
