The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
