What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
