our cab driver is having phone sex.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
