The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
50% drunk capacity currently
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
