My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
