Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
When did angry sex become our thing?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
