in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
