dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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