addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
