His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
