apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
