actually, I'm a sock model
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
