Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
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I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize