I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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