Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
