A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
