I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
