I got chris browned last night
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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