new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
