Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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