im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
