based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Randomize
