I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
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Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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