Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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