Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
