Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
