apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
