I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
