My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.