you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.