I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She told me I should be a condom model.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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