this beer tastes like vomit already
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
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heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
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Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day