Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
