then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome