I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
