I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now