I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
